Update on my brother

So as we stand as of right now, Tim will be having his cancer removed on April 23rd. He has decided to go with a different doctor who can do the surgery robotically. And since Tim has a fascination with Robot's he has decided to wait. ;). It is such an answer to prayer already. The first doctor did not have any confirmation of a positive outcome with his cancer, and the new guy has a lot of positive thoughts on it. I don't know where the Robot stands on this though, hopefully somewhere in the middle. I thought it was crazy that my brother at 41 has cancer, but come to find out he has had it since he was 35 or 36. CRAZY. I am thinking a full body scan every five years should be covered by insurance.
Well you know annoying sisters and there pathetic attempts at embarrassing their (much) older (much, much) older brothers. I picked out those recent pics of Tim, and he mentioned that he hated them. And I must admit, they were definitely taken on one of his "off" days. So to be fair I thought I would put up a better picture to make the guy feel better about himself. It is the least I can do.

My big brother.

Sadness fills my heart when I think about all that my big brother Timothy is going through right now. Last week he went in for some tests pertaining to some abdominal pain he was experiencing. And while the outcome of that is still undecided they found a mass of cancer about the size of a golf ball in his kidney.
How would it feel to sit for two weeks with that burden weighing down on you? I can not imagine what he feels like. What his wife and his two young daughters feel like.
At times it is at the forefront of my thoughts shadowing everything I think and do with the weary thought of my brother has cancer. And then at other times it is pushed back to a hidden room in my head and when that door opens it knocks me to my knees in sadness, hope, fear, and love.Watching my brother tell his daughters that he has cancer was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. No amount of physical pain can compare to the feeling of your heart aching while watching somebody go through something like that.I have had many talks with my brother about his cancer, and like always the man has his faith in God. He has not once mentioned himself. He is worried about putting his wife through what she already went though when she lost her father to cancer. He is worried about his daughters as teenagers if they don't have a father around.
Tim told me that while dealing with this he just keeps asking God "are you done with me? Have I finished what you wanted from me?" I have asked God a lot of questions in my life but never once have I even been close to asking him that. I can not believe that my brother is.
I know that God's will is perfect and I would never ask for anything other than that. I do not know what his plan's are for my brother, it is the hardest wait I have ever had to go through. Next week he will go into surgery and I pray with every ounce of my being that God's will is to get all of the cancer out of him and for this to be in the past. A really sad story in the past of my brother's hopefully very long life.

Dear Baby

Today you are a 1/3 of a year old. 4 months of love lessons. I am so happy to be your mommy. I love when you laugh at me, and how you copy me when I stick out my tongue. I love that you sit in my lap and stare at storybook's while I read them to you. I love how you smile at me when I get you out of your crib in the morning. I love how you rub your eyes when you are tired. I love how you stare wide eyed at the dogs as they play around you. I love how you look at your daddy. I love how you kick your feet over and over as if you were swimming during your bath. I love how your skin feels. I love how you curl your toes impossibly tight. I love how you cuddle with me every morning. I love how you roll around on the floor with me as we play. I love how you let me kiss you all over your pretty face. I love how you clutch my fingers tightly. I love every little thing about you.